How Not to Get a Job

Reportedly a federal law clerk, after being denied a job at Vinson & Elkins, sent the below e-mail asking for reconsideration of his application.  I shall let the thing (especially the second-to-last paragraph) speak for itself:

-----Original Message-----    
From: (omitted)@lamd.uscourts.gov    
Sent: Monday, May 15, 2006 11:25 AM          
Subject: request to reconsider (omitted)          Dear Loreatha,       

  I received your letter dated May 11, and I am extremely disappointed that Vinson & Elkins has chosen not to extend me an offer. I remain convinced that V&E is the right firm for me. While it is hard to quibble with the verdict of a panel of 14 people, I believe that a real mistake was made, and I ask that my application be reconsidered.       

  I assume that V&E's chief objective in hiring new associates is to get the best people it can get. Please consider the fact that in law school, I earned the top score in my section on EVERY PAPER in both of my legal writing courses. (The grading was done anonymously.) My article was selected for publication in the Northwestern Law Review, which is one of the top law reviews in the country. Judge Amy St. Eve, a federal judge with whom I externed, will tell you that I was the best extern she ever had (and her externs were mostly cream-of-the-crop Northwestern students, many of whom went on to federal appellate clerkships). The Judge I work for now, as well as other people with whom I have worked, will tell you that I have unusual talent as a legal analyst. I suggest that before you conclude that I don't measure up to V&E's standards, you ask people with whom I have worked what they think about my work and my abilities. At risk of sounding arrogant, I submit that I would be a standout performer at V&E, even though V&E is an elite firm that can select from among the best candidates.       

  I sensed that some of my interviewers were uncomfortable with the fact that I am not committed to a specific substantive area of law. I would argue, however, that the tools that we bring to the table as lawyers are far more important than the direct, "relevant" experience we bring. "Practical" experience is no substitute for creative intelligence, intellectual sophistication, and pure tenacity. The career clerk in my judge's chambers has 20+ years of experience, so she knows a lot of things that I don't know. But she is not in my league as a legal analyst and writer. I have seen enough during my clerkship to say with confidence that I am capable of better work - far better work - than most of the "experienced" attorneys who practice before my judge.       

  As a judicial clerk, I have been deeply immersed in all sorts of cases at every phase of the litigation process. There are many procedural issues that are common across all different substantive areas of law. There are many connections and overlaps between the different substantive areas. Even within a given substantive area, every case is different, turning on its own facts. The relatively inexperienced associates who specialize in a particular area will have only seen a small part of the universe of possible issues that may arise in their area. Given these facts, I am highly skeptical that, say, a 3rd-year associate who has specialized in "oil and gas" is going to be light years ahead of me in that field. The hypothetical 3rd-year associate will certainly know a lot more than I know about the art and practice of lawyering. But it is highly doubtful that her substantive oil and gas knowledge (which of course exceeds mine) will give her a significant advantage over me when it comes time to analyze the next oil and gas case (which will no doubt involve issues that neither of us have seen before). I want to work on interesting, challenging cases, but I don't believe it would be rational for me to arbitrarily limit myself to a specific substantive area of law at this point in my career. I'll find my niche down the road. I would think that V&E would prefer that their new associates be open-minded enough to try different things.     

   I would also add that there are intangible factors to be considered. I left a lucrative job in my mid-thirties, working hard to score in the top 1% nationwide on the LSAT so I could go to an elite law school. (I was the oldest guy in my class.) When I was a computer programmer, I was a one-man consulting firm, saving my employer (the state of Louisiana) millions of dollars in costs and making the lives of thousands of people (the system's users) easier. Often, I would go to bed at night, half dreaming, half awake, obsessing over a thorny problem that I encountered. When the creative inspiration would come in the morning, those were the greatest thrills of my life. I know what its like to work 80-hour weeks for months on end. I know what's it like to be considered the expert of last resort - the guy they call in the middle of the night when the data gets corrupted and no one else can figure out what to do. I take my work SERIOUSLY and I take great pride in what I do. I would submit that these are the qualities that can make me a "franchise player" at V&E.         

I recognize that the chance that you will reconsider and extend me an offer are very slim. (Lawyers tend to be extremely risk-averse and unwilling to do things differently than they've done before.) But please give this request some serious consideration. I suggest that you begin by talking with some of the folks who have worked with me.         

Finally, if you are not willing to change your verdict on me, would you please do the favor of giving me some honest feedback about why you were not impressed enough with me to make an offer? Is it my age? (I'm 39, but I'm healthier than most 25-year-olds.) Is it that I'm losing my hair? (I am willing to undergo transplants!) Is it the fact that I wore a pink shirt to my interview? (My wife picked it out.) Is it the fact that I took the Louisiana bar exam before taking the Texas bar exam? (I took the Louisiana exam because I wanted to get licensed in my home state, and I wanted to get it out of the way first because I had to learn all that civil code stuff.) Is it because I have spent most of my life in Louisiana? (Houston is only a 3-hour car ride or a 40-minute plane ride from Baton Rouge.) Is it because I have a minor speech impediment (a "lacerated S")? Is it because I am introverted? Do I come across as arrogant? Too timid? Is it because I'm not committed to a specific substantive area of litigation?     

   You judged me as a qualified candidate based on my paper credentials, as evidenced by your willingness to expend the resources to bring me in for an interview. I assure you that I am a much better lawyer than even my paper credentials suggest! Please give me another look. It would be a shame if V&E and me are deprived of a mutually profitable relationship because I failed to present myself well in person on May 8.

Sincerely,

(omitted)

Comments

[Mahan Atma]

It was the pink shirt. Definitely the pink shirt.

[Norm Pattis]

Sounds like a classic perseverator.

[KipEsquire]

Here's my version:

Dear V&E:

Your loss, not mine.

Sincerely,

--Your Future Adversary

[SR]

I have to say, I thought the email read like a parody of the arrogant jerk that we all knew in law school. But then I got to the second to last paragraph and it wasn't so funny. Yeah the guy is way too full of himself and obviously does not have any sense of how he is perceived by others, but does anyone else think that it is clear that he didn't get the job because he's 39?

[Ray Ward]

Maybe he should try holding his breath until he turns blue. That would contrast nicely with the pink shirt.

[mythago]

SR, age discrimination is always possible, but I don't think that's why he didn't get the job. Assuming this is a real letter, the writer does not exactly come across as somebody who is firing on all cylinders.

[Donald]

Has anyone confirmed yet that this is real?

If so, then if I were the hiring partner at V&E, I'd email him back and offer him a position in IT support...

[Saul]

Maybe he's Hispanic and can play the diversity card...

[bryan camp]

I thought the email fine in substance but stupid in form.

This is a fellow who is not used to rejection and/or used to a more transparent process. He's not willing to accept a bureaucratic judgment (and V&E, being a large firm, is a bureaucracy). He fights against the machine. (He should have spent more time studying public choice theory.) He is self-aware of the arrogance issue, which many truly arrogant people are not.

But the email form is stupid. If he truly wanted feedback, he needed to call and ask...or have his judge talk to the hiring committee chair. Putting it in writing, especially the penultimate paragraph, too obviously lays the predicate for an age discrim or ADA claim, even if he did not so intend it. It undoes any chance for any type of positive response.

It's also bad form to use bad grammar. His eloquence (and claim at excellence as a writer) was seriously diminished by this awful error in the last paragraph: "It would be a shame if V&E and me are deprived..." The correct grammar is "It would be a shame if V&E and I are deprived..."

In sum, the email is an insult/an assault/gets no result. And that "raps" up my comment.

[Dylan]

Has anyone confirmed yet that this is real?

It's almost certainly real. I got it myself a couple of weeks after it was written, when the chain of forrwards was only through about a dozen people, all but the last at Houston big firm addresses and, yes, originating at V&E.

[Dylan]

On second thought, it's definitely real. My copy included the author's name, which I googled to find he's an inhabitant of LA who was/is indeed associated with a software business.

[mythago]

That by itself doesn't mean it is real.

[jimmylsufan]

That was my email, please remove it from this site. You have been warned govern yourself accordingly.

Geaux Tigerz

[Mike]

You have been warned govern yourself accordingly.

I guess you never heard the old saw about honey and vinegar?

If you indeed were the sender of the e-mail, and if it is causing you embarrassment, I might consider removing it out of professional courtesy. Just prove to me that you were the sender and I'll consider it.

Again, think honey, not vinegar.

[gr]

"the writer does not exactly come across as somebody who is firing on all cylinders."

More like someone who is firing on too many.

[fitiwalt]

i bet this guy is 5'3", bald, single, and fat. what a joke. this guy shouldn't have been interviewed. what a freaking loser.

[fitiwalt]

on second thought, does anyone have his address, i want him to prosecute me after i strangle him in the throat. i bet he'll lose that case.

[AughtSix]

Sounds like the 2nd Lieutenant who says, "it has been my experience that..."

[Random]

I know with 99% certainty who this is (I was in his class at NW). He is a bit awkward of a person, but this was just painful. The second-to-last paragraph is heartbreaking if you know him, even if it's cause for a larf if you don't. Especially since this is a person who, despite his flaws, is one of the nicest people I've met.

Most of all, forwarding this E-mail is in horrible taste of VE. He worked his ass off for a job and got a rejection that clearly blindsided him. Then the firm forwards around his anguished (if admittedly highly ill-considered) response with a chuckle. Kind of reinforces the suspicion that biglaw is a motley crew of oversized egos and starved consciences.

Then again, it could just be VE. I interviewed with them, thought they were raging assholes, and never looked back. Seems I was right.

But the comments here suggest it was more than VE.

Random Killjoy

[Mike]

After-reading this, two years later, I was wrong to make fun of the guy. He made an earnest effort to fight for a job he wanted. What is wrong with that?

Should he have just accepted their rejection? Should he have bowed his head? He said, "Fuck it. I want this job. Let's go for it." If only more of us had this attitude.

As the commenter above me noted two years ago, some of us (here's looking at me!) were indeed assholes.

I hope you're doing well, Vinson & Elkins Rejection Letter Dude.