Federal Appeals Court Recognizes Right to Life

[Ed's note: The quotes from Dillard are fake, even though the case noted below really was handed down.  I hope my "victim" is a good sport.]

Today a split federal court of appeals panel, relying on the plain text of the Constitution, held that there is a constitutional right to life.

The plaintiffs in Abigail Alliance for Access to Better Drugs v. Eschenbach were terminally-ill patients who were denied potentially life-saving drugs.  They successfully argued that the Due Process Clause of the Constitution clearly protects the right to "life," and that the FDA was denying them the right to life by refusing to allow them to ingest drugs that would save them.

"This is a huge victory for textualism," noted legal blogger Steven Dillard told C&F reporters.  "After all," he continued, "the right to life is clearly articulated in the Constitution, and at the time of the Founding, the government did not - because it could not - regulate life-saving drugs."

Other legal commentators disagreed.  George Washington University Law Professor Orin Kerr cynically noted, "The D.C. Circuit announced a new fundamental constitutional right today." 

Dillard responded with a thunderous, "Balderdash!" and flapped his Constitution in the air: "The right to life is right here!"

The government has not noted whether it will appeal, although it's widely predicted the the case will be reheard - and reversed - by the full D.C. Circuit.